I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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