Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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