he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
