There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
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What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
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I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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