I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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