hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
