i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
