that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
