yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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