I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
