Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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