If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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