new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
