recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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