tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
