The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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