I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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