I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
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He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize