Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
