So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
