i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
