My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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