R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
