i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
