Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
