chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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