so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize