YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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