Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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