Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
