i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
