Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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