I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
