Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
