Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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