If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
