I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
