SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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