I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
