can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
