a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
