what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
