You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
