apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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