community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
