i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
