i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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