is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
