I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
