Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
