You really coming over, don't trick.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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