I don't usually arrange sex via text message
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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