I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
