Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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