well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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