I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
