my being single is dangerous.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
the liver wants what the liver wants
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
