Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
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Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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