we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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