I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
