Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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