I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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