I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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