I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
