Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
