I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
