my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
