smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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