cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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