Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There r osticjed everywhere
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
