Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
