i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
