on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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