I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
