in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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