you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Randomize
