I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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