Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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