i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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