I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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