My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
