I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
